APHIE'S RANTS AND PIECES

picking up the pieces of a broken dream in whispers and shades

December 28, 2005 - Rob Thomas Concert Review - December 24, 2005 - shortest entry ever on nothing else but Love - December 20, 2005 - Hate it or Love it... - December 11, 2005 - Long time coming, but this is good - May 24, 2005 - Loads of gorgeous girls...not in here -

December 23, 2004 - 9:09 p.m. - Roses hurt too... I found this in my Shelia Turns 30 story. No wonder no one read it. It reads like me talking about myself, so out of character for Shelia. As if I am unknowingly writing about myself. I just thought I'd stick it in here, since, I am sort of doing an end of year recollection f the good, the bad and awesomely bad, and just because, it really belongs in a journal, anyways. Sorry that it's the pre-Christmas update. Hopefully, following that there will be a Christmas cheery update to make it feel better. But this is me, open, sore, and empty: Sometimes I think I am being punished for some of the choices I made in the past, for some of the people I unintentionally hurt, for all the things that my outspoken self uttered without regard to the emotions of the listener. I find that as the years go by it is hard to achieve that stillness that is common with happiness. What is it that makes me truly happy and why have I been so unable to achieve it? As I move from one job to another, from one man to another, I find that, there is a search there, an unburnished taste for satisfaction, for a blissful rest in one’s life, and that state is so elusive, it behooves that my attitude and outlook on life is one of disappointment, bitterness, and just regret. I don’t have any constraints, I am bitter. I had assumed that it would be placed on my lap, or at least my instincts would lead me to it, and so far it has not. I am riddled with wrong choices in almost everything except my belief in the One that makes dreams, salient, unspoken, unspecific ones, come true. And even if I have to live another thirty more, and work another thirty more jobs, and people and places, I know that when that state comes I shall be lifted from my feet transcending to heaven’s blend. I just have to learn to surpass the bitterness on my way there. back track - fast forward - history aphie's chronicles - aphie's transcripts aphie's other personality - aphie's diary rings tell aphie you read her work -