December 14, 2004 - 8:55 p.m. - Fingers trace your every outline..
I got my reading material for my LLM study with the University of London (external) today.
I am officially an LLM student. Sounds so good just to say that. I am studying for my Masters. (whoda thunk it?)
It's been a long three months pursuing this programme. In between that it's been emotionally draining, and financially sinking. Sometime in August, what with the current job not going so well, and my intellect depleting, I decided to try and do something of further study for myself. I had a host of courses to choose from but this one seemed the best for so many reasons, some too numerous to mention. the UGA and Emory LLM courses did not have part-time programs and since I don't have some man paying for me, I really cannot afford to do anything part-time right now. The course takes two years and at the end of each year you take two exams, and if you get over 50% you pass that course. I am just trying to pass, the days of getting distinction (as if it would make a difference to one's life) are over.
But the materials came today. They are more like subject guides. They just highlight the reading materials and point you to where to read. With me you can guess there is a caveat with every good news. The books are London published books based on the Common Law of England and USA being the myopic legal entity it is, may have repealed some of those laws in practice. Isn't that sad? So why am I doing this again? Now, It seems more like I am doing it for myself, because try as I might I really cannot shake this mediocrity leveled career from drowning me. I have tried, really I have. The only thing that will save is for my creativity to offer a solution, someone discovers how brilliantly talented I am and buys a screenplay of me, about me, anything. I just need to carve a niche in the sand and not feel like a hopeless bubble.
In other unrelated news, I have been feeling an urge to have sex. Not really sex per se, but making love. The Maroon 5 songs, Adam Levine the sordid guy that he is, or as he terms it, the "sexual dude" that he is, has so many sexual lyrics, they are not lewd lyrics like I wanna bump and grind you, they are more of the nature of, I wanna trace your body with my fingertips, keep you coming every night, serving sex with coffee, etc, type of lyrics, (if you are a fan you'll know what I am talking about) And it is made worse because he looks like someone I used to date, has the qualities of men that I like to date, and have dated, and I am just so god-awful lonely right now. To run away for a week and have copious amounts of sex would be a blast right now, a real blast. But is that going to happen, nope. nowhere near it. It is such a bad itch that I do not feel the need to jerk off. It is not that kind of, rough, spank me naked itch, just a sweet longing to be a part of something sweet and whole and beautiful.
I digress, I have other things to do. Any suggestions, anyone? Help a sista out?
So that's the news over here in Aphie Land.
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