APHIE'S RANTS AND PIECES

picking up the pieces of a broken dream in whispers and shades

July 14, 2007 - To Loft or not to Loft -

March 06, 2007 - American sojourn -

February 15, 2007 - More Bad News...you'd think I'd be used to it by now -

February 11, 2007 - Corporate America Rant continues -

February 01, 2007 - Graduate Career Search in Corporate America is a Fucked Up Campaign -

March 06, 2004 - 10:27 a.m. - I could get used to living like this


Today I sat in the courtyard between the office buildings of my new job and soaked up the atmosphere while listening to some Handel/Mozart type music sifting through the invisible speakers feeling very distinguished with myself. I have never felt so liberated at work in my life. This is what I’ve been looking forward to in my working days in a long time and I needed it more on that day.

I woke up with a heavy heart on Wednesday. Perhaps I was tired from the long journey or it was just latent anger at not knowing my job very well. I can’t quite explain what it is but I am not myself and it worries me. Perhaps, it is the fear that I do not want to lose what I searched so hard to get. Perhaps, it is latent worry of my troubles that I am God-willingly stepping away from day by day.

Whatever it is, I shouldn’t be feeling this way, this is a joyous time, and a self-discovery phase, an excitable time and I should be excited, everyday for at least a month until the realization settles inside me. This is me, and this is where I am and it is not a dream. I should feel good. Maybe because I miss creating and I miss the confidence of having knowledge of my job feels like, as if I am reaching around for clues to pretending to be smart.

I apologize Lord for feeling this way. I am happy, content completely grateful for what you’ve given me and I pray that I keep this joy as mine and that no man, spirit or weapon shall take this away from me.


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