 December 28, 2005 - Rob Thomas Concert Review - December 24, 2005 - shortest entry ever on nothing else but Love - December 20, 2005 - Hate it or Love it... - December 11, 2005 - Long time coming, but this is good - May 24, 2005 - Loads of gorgeous girls...not in here - |
APHIE'S RANTS AND PIECES
2001-08-30 - 10:22 a.m. - Dream 2: What are the attributes of your ideal man? Aphie had always imagined that there would come a time and a place when her life wouldn't be so empty and filled with distorted images of some incomprehensible kind. Last night she had the most amazing dream. Puzzling and amazing, and she knows well enough that dreams mean a small fraction of your life is being shelved into some place to be replayed to you in your sombre hour. What was Aphie's dream about? It had to do with a friend of hers. Some girl who is angry with the world, upset at everything and always blaming everyone and shutting everyone out of her life for having an opinion contrary to hers. In fact, Aphie would like to summarise the girl as a difficult person to please or be friends with. But in this dream, Aphie came upon a newspaper clipping with the girl on it, and some other face, a famous face---one of the big boys of Eko---and they were announcing their engagament and thus inviting everyone to their wedding. Aphie who saw her self in this strange place with a broken down house---bigger and drearier than the one she lives in, with lots of rooms, lots of occupants more like a hostel building with a grandma tending to the many young occupants---gathered in one of the rooms where they all stayed to chit-chat sometimes and spoke to them about what she had just seen in the paper. They inquisitively asked why the press report was so puzzling. Well, it was. It just was. It was about a girl who could never get along with anybody suddenly snagging a guy for her self for forever. She had never imagined that someone could stay in love with this girl for so long as to want to spend every minute of their waking hour with her. And the worst part was that: the girl always wanted to marry this guy, she always had a thing for him. So she had said to Aphie on numerous occasions when they were friends. And they asked how come she had always liked him. Aphie's narrative began: "You know how you always make up a list in your head mentally and unconsciously of how you would want your dream guy to be; the qualities he should have, what makes him "him"?" And they stared at her aghast. So she continued: "Well, we all do, as ladies make up that list, I want him to be super successful, to be tall, to be honest, to be from a wealthy influential family..." she gave examples of the irrelevant requirements women needed in a man of their dreams. And thus they nodded, finally agreeing with her. She continued: "Well, this my friend made hers, and this guy was it. She didn't make it generally speaking, she made it specifially for him, that she wanted him...and now she has him. Can't you see how things have worked out so well for her..it worries me that maybe I don't have a list, a list I can go on so that when I am looking I can have cause to refer to that list from time to time to compare his adequacy to the scale derived from the list. And maybe when I do, I can achieve what I want, who I want...I can make who I want, want me for all time." She woke up and tried to write a list...a list of requirements or attributes she wanted her ideal man to live up to...but the words couldn't be written; they fell off the paper to the floor, and breaking up into small snowflakes they disappeared into bits as they evaporated in the air. back track - fast forward - history aphie's chronicles - aphie's transcripts aphie's other personality - aphie's diary rings tell aphie you read her work - 
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