 January 22, 2006 - When the yes' are so few anf far between - January 17, 2006 - Going to where exactly... - January 14, 2006 - Indie vs. Commercial...which do you prefer? - January 01, 2006 - Happy New Year to Me...the kickass season shall commence - December 31, 2005 - Music and Movies of 2005 - |
APHIE'S RANTS AND PIECES
December 30, 2005 - 1:01 a.m. - A new obsession It seems like this time of the year something often happens to me. There’s often this new fella in my life that gets me to writing, reading, exploring and wanting to know more about him. This fella is always often not a guy in real life; my reality is not filled with interesting people. But looking back it always seems to occur around this time of the year, I don’t know why. This time it’s dear Gavin. This all started when I went to a radio concert featuring Gavin as one of the artists. If you are paying attention you would remember that I mentioned him as one of the artists I am glad I latched onto in 2004. But for some strange reason I never did find anything on him. Apparently there was a time he toured with Maroon 5, who knew, where was I? How did I miss that? My top 2 artists for 2004 were together live and I missed that. That stands as one of the worst concert misses. However, so I bought these tickets on a Sunday morning, because the concert was to occur around Xmas time, so I needed something to look forward to for Xmas, and it has Dear Gavin in it, and I have never seen him in concert. Even though his CD has been on constant rotation in my Car CD player, I still have not seen him perform not even on one of those summer concert shows on TV. The concert cost a bundle but hey, it was to happen at Xmas so I thought it was a good idea. In hindsight everything just seems so amusing to me, I just bumped into an email I sent to myself to remind myself to research ways to cancel the concert tickets, and I did try to, but it was not possible. Thankfully, it wasn’t. Something happened there, and I don’t know what it was. Asides from him leaving the stage, and walking through the crowd, past me twice and completely ignoring me, something else happened. Maybe in me, in the music, in the moment, in that space of time, and in that time, it went from sheer admiration and appreciation of his good music, to a full-blown obsession. But this is different, because I can’t write, at least with Adam I could. I listen to his songs now, some of his unreleased songs and I feel like bawling, like weeping my eyes out. I listen to some of the old ones, and there’s a difference of appreciation, its like emotions erupt that I never knew existed and I listen to the words more intently, with better appreciation, deeper fondness, and lots of obsession. And then, there’s sexual thoughts, that just consume me leave me wondering am I obsessing over this man because I want sex, I need sex, because I brushed up against him and found him amazingly attractive and gorgeous in person, what is it? I just go into this deep pith of depression and angst when I hear him sing, that it hurts just to listen to him. I haven’t written a thing. I wish I could; maybe I could put this mania into some use. But it just sits there looming over my head. I found myself thinking at Xmas, that “Do you know what would make this day great? Gavin’s music playing in the background.” A little much, I know. There’s an end to this I know, but I can’t think or coordinate myself accordingly to foresee it. It feels indescribable.Like a crush you cannot do anything about except yell it through the rooftops. back track - fast forward - history aphie's chronicles - aphie's transcripts aphie's other personality - aphie's diary rings tell aphie you read her work - 
|
