 July 14, 2007 - To Loft or not to Loft - March 06, 2007 - American sojourn - February 15, 2007 - More Bad News...you'd think I'd be used to it by now - February 11, 2007 - Corporate America Rant continues - February 01, 2007 - Graduate Career Search in Corporate America is a Fucked Up Campaign - |
APHIE'S RANTS AND PIECES
2001-09-16 - 9:23 p.m. - Inadequacy brought by the spoils of the riches Every time, you take a trip to the upper side of town, an unnerving feeling of inadequacy creeps up on you. When you browse through the mansions that are so far dug in that you would have to stretch out your neck to catch a glimpse of them---with their massive lawns of plush greenery, courtyard and high beams set in front of their Spanish-style homes---your body irks each time, with each house, with each viewing. Today, one of the houses we passed by closely resembled one Aphie had talked about in her story---A simple kind of life--- only this time the house was nowhere near simple, it was surreally pleasing both to the onlookers and to her as she smiled at the amazing coincidence of life imitating her fanciful fantasy art. Yet, the inadequacy it brought to her made it not feel as magical as you would expect to have been since her art was brought to life before her. It was instead that feeling that makes you say, "This is someone's reality, not mine, not how I had so much made it mine when I wrote of it, and described it so well that I had once often imagined myself living in it, being in it, tasting it, being it. And I had done it so often that I had selfishly kept it to be mine, mine for the taking, for the keeping, visiting it in my few occasions of self escape and basking in the happiness it often brought me. But why is it suddenly someone's else's. someone's else's reality. Has this someone's raped me of my fleeting plac of joy?"" Then, you feel the inadequacy that begs the questions: Could this "reality" ever be yours? Can my destiny truly lead me to a place like this, do I just write of it just because I am secretly airing out my passions and pleasures to the world around me, putting down the pictures life has given me knowledge of in some uncanny way which someday come to be? Immediately, you start to mutter words of absolution that it should. It should. I want it to be and so it shall. I want to be one with my goodness and happiness, with my cherished pictures and images, with my fantasy merged with my reality, with love (and loved ones often thought about)and family, offering them a home in my haven, to share in my escape. Hence, with all these flamboyant thoughts, the inadequacy still remains. Haunting you, shocking you, unnerving you, pinching you, causing you to sweat and toss and turn atimes at night, wondering...why should I dream these things, and they forever remain...in my dream. Thank you. back track - fast forward - history aphie's chronicles - aphie's transcripts tell aphie you read her work - 
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